A Sophisticated Method to Procrastination

My innate desire to consume everything is slowly killing me. And I'm only beginning to understand what it means. No matter how many educational content that I consumed, I feel no closer to being educated.

There is nothing that I despise more than vanity. But lately it seems that it is the only thing that I can see in my own reflection. I have nothing, yet I feel like I own everything. This life of mine is not actually mine. I have nothing. I am nothing.

To inflict wound against oneself is to act in rebellion against this cruel world. That is what I want to believe. Lies that I told to myself every second. This piece of writing that I make does not actually mean anything. It is empty. Just another way to prolong the inevitable.

I want to fall in love. The feeling is unmatched. To be obsessed in all of the minutia, the memento, the adrenaline. A desire. A craving need for acceptance. My own flesh in front of the mirror. A fleeting happiness that was never meant to be. I am what I made. No, still nothing.

The great figures in the past have one thing in common. An unending drive to challenge themselves. To never give up in the face of adversity. I share none of their traits but I want to share in their glory. It is merely a childish way of selfishness. To want but not to persevere.

A collective form of thought known as the people. An empty concept worthy of further note. It is incomplete and it wants to be whole. It didn't even know that it exists but it perseveres nonetheless. I don't want any part in this mess. Yet here I am.

To deny my existence is to move forward. I want to believe it. I have no need for anything, including myself. I am whole. I am here. I am nothing and everything.

And now it is the time for the hands of clock to move once again.

This is merely a brief stop. A transit to the uncertain future.

I have it in my grasp.

I am.